


I'll Hide My Chest

by mightydeafeningmouse



Series: Trans Ricky Bowen [1]
Category: High School Musical: The Musical: The Series (TV)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hurt Ricky Bowen, Ricky Bowen Needs A Hug, Sad Ricky Bowen, Soft Ricky Bowen, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Trans Ricky Bowen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-25
Updated: 2019-11-25
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:02:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21554293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mightydeafeningmouse/pseuds/mightydeafeningmouse
Summary: The only option he has is Nini. He's going to have to ask Nini for a tampon.God, he feels like throwing up.
Relationships: Ricky Bowen & Nini Salazar-Roberts
Series: Trans Ricky Bowen [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1583389
Comments: 30
Kudos: 368





	I'll Hide My Chest

**Author's Note:**

> TW for mentioned symptoms of depression.
> 
> Enjoy :)

Nini had made it very clear that her and Ricky weren't a thing. Not a dating thing, not a friendship thing, not even an acquaintance thing. 

Ricky received the message loud and clear: Nini wanted to be left alone. 

It's his fault anyway they're not a thing anyway. He doesn't have the authority to feel heartbroken at the sight of her moving on. He doesn't have the right to feel physically sick every time E.J. leans in to hug her. And Ricky certainly doesn't deserve to stare at her non-stop during rehearsal, trying to imagine what her hands felt like running through his hair.

It's his fault she won't talk to him any more, and it's his fault that he's lost the only person that he's ever loved.

Ricky doesn't think he's ever hated himself more. 

Not even Red can dig him out of the hole he's fallen into. He finds himself having more and more bad days, and the only thing that keeps him going is rehearsal for the musical.

Rehearsal is the only time Nini will even acknowledge him. She's required to look at him and forced to hold his hand. Sometimes, Carlos makes her lean into him real close when they're doing an intimate scene. 

It's the best part of his day. 

But, today was a particularly horrible day. He woke up on time, took his routine shower, made his bed, went to get dressed, and-

His binder. He can't find his damn binder. 

Ricky tore the house apart. He looks everywhere; his closet, under his bed the bathroom hampers, the laundry, even his parent's room. 

In the end, he leaves for school 10 minutes late, layered in a sports bra, a hoodie, and a jacket, feeling disgusting. 

Ricky is restless all day at school. It doesn't help that Red has the flu and couldn't come to school. Ricky isn't exactly swimming in friends. There's no one to distract him, no one he can talk to.

At 3:00 PM, the final bell finally rings, and Ricky's on his way to the stage for rehearsal when he feels it. The unmistakable feeling of damp underwear. 

He runs to the boy's bathroom, all the while chanting _fuckfuckfuck_ in his head. Ricky slides into a stall and prays he's wrong.

He tears off a chunk of toilet paper. It comes back bright red.

Ricky _breaks down_.

He digs his elbows into his knees and he tangles his fingers in his hair. Hot tears dribble down his chin.

He just _can't._

He doesn't even have any supplies. He doesn't have a change of boxers. He doesn't have a pad or tampon. And skipping rehearsal isn't an option.

_Fuck._

This is his first period at school without Nini. He knows he's a dumbass for not carrying around tampons, but he always used to take from Nini's stash until he could get to his own at home. He's never even thought to bring his own until now.

_Alright, okay,_ he thinks. Ricky takes a deep breath and runs through his options.

The nurse has already left the building, and the only people he's out to are Nini, Red, and his parents. Even if Red was at school today, he wouldn't have a tampon, so that's a dead end.

His mom is traveling, and his dad is at work, so that's not happening.

Ricky briefly wonders if he could text Red to bring him a tampon, but it's frustratingly ruled out by the fact that Red doesn't have a car.

The only option he has is Nini. He's going to have to ask Nini for a tampon.

God, he feels like throwing up.

Instead, he takes multiple stabling breaths and checks his phone. 3:15. Fifteen minutes until rehearsal starts.

_Okay. Okay. I can do this. Fuck, I can do this._

Ricky wads up a few squares of toilet paper and stuffs in his boxers. God, he's thankful he chose to wear black jeans today.

He pushes the door to the backstage open. Instantly, he spots Nini, who's (of course) surrounded by E.J., because nothing's ever easy.

Ricky walks toward them, knees trembling and prepared for the worst.

"Hey, Nini," his voice comes out unexpectedly soft. "Can we talk for a sec?"

Ricky's looking directly at Nini, but he can see E.J.'s glare in his peripheral vision.

Nini stares back at him, her eyes cold and unforgiving. "Go ahead," she answers, staying planted to the floor.

"Um," Ricky swallows, "I meant...privately." 

"Absolutely not," E.J. cuts in. "If you think I'm letting _Nini_ go with _you_ in private, you've got another thing coming, pal," he snaps.

Ricky can feel himself shrink back, and all he can think is how horrible of an idea this was. He should've just skipped. 

E.J. steps forward intimidatingly. "Anything you need to say to her you can say infront of me."

Ricky keeps his eyes glued to the floor. Tears start to burn his eyes. He'd rather die than he come out to E.J. _Fuck that._

He's about to just turn around and skip rehearsal all together, but Nini grabs his elbow.

"Let's go." She's looking at him with soft, concerned eyes. Ricky's chest aches.

"Nini-" E.J. says, exasperated.

"It'll take 30 seconds, E.J.," Nini replies harshly. She leads the way to the hall, only glancing back once to make sure Ricky was following.

The doors to the stage close, and Nini and Ricky are alone in the hallway. 

Nini leans against a walk of aggressively white lockers. She crosses her arms. "Talk."

Ricky bites his lip and looks down. He can't do this. He's stressed and upset, and his tongue refuses to cooperate with his brain.

He swallows thickly. He glances up at Nini, and she's just standing there, studying him. 

Suddenly, he's flushed with embarrassment. He feels disgusting. 

"I'm sorry to bother you," Ricky finally chokes out. He digs his finger nails into his palm and wills himself to continue.

"I-I just, um..." Ricky trails off. 

Nini isn't used to hearing Ricky like this. She spent years knowing him, and he's rarely sounded this vulnerable before. And yeah, Nini's spent the last month being pissed at him, but right now, when he's standing hunched over in front of her, looking seconds away from tears, it's impossible not to be concerned. 

Gently, Nini puts her hand on his shoulder, forcing him to look at her. 

"Hey, what's going on?" She starts softly.

Ricky pulls back almost instantly, and Nini's arm falls back to her side. She looks at him in confusion.

"I'm sorry, to-to bother you," He repeats, voice fragile and thin. Nini watches as Ricky fidgets and looks to his shoes.

"Um...," Ricky trails off again. Nini notes that his shoulders are tense beyond belief, and Ricky looks like he's bracing himself. He closes his eyes.

"Do you have a tampon?" Ricky whispers rushingly. It comes out with an overwhelming amount of vulnerability that leaves Nini speachless. Ricky glances at her open-mouth expression.

" _Please_?" He adds timidly, looking at her through glassy eyes.

Nini's already carding through her purse. "Yeah. Yeah, of course." She replies.

As soon as the words leave her tongue, Ricky's chest heaves with relif. She watches him as his shoulders relax a bit, and he looks like he can breath again. Nini's...oddly hurt.

"Did...Did you really think I wouldn't give you one?"

Ricky looks at her like a deer in headlights. His silence is an answer in itself.

"Please don't tell anyone," He mumbles softly, nervous energy radiating off him like a furnace.

"I would never," Nini says solemnly. She holds a tampon out. "Here you go."

Ricky shoves it into his hoodie pocket. He looks at Nini with a soft, timid look, "Thank you so much." 

Nini gives him a small smile. "Anytime."

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!! Stay safe loves :)


End file.
